I NEED TO PASS OUT...

Addictive is all I can say! I just can't stop writing. This the best that I have felt emotionally in a long time. I feel like this is a great outlet for my thoughts. My immediate response when I have thoughts and feelings is to pick up the phone and call my ex-wife. I just can't let go, I guess. I know I still rely on her and she absolutely relies on me and uses me as a sounding board for her new relationship with my best friend. I still have so many thoughts running through my head and so many memories that I don't want to let go. Do you really have to let them go? They were such good times. Last week a co-worker told a friend that she thought I was confused. I can't seem to get that out of my mind. I feel secure in my sexuality and am confident in myself but a part of me feels lost. Stupid? I seem to attract drama and instability and those things are the complete opposite of what I want. I am drunk, we just hit the peace pipe hard and Tyler just stumbled out of my apartment and left. Feel like I am a whore! I am arguing with one guy and trying to dump him and I just had sweaty, intense but safe sex with a little frat boy. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! It is 1:30am, I need to pass out...